Peer Review Framing Statement

For each paper that was assigned this term, the initial draft seemed the most difficult to approach. While many of us struggled with our introduction, thesis statement, or even our first sentence, we were able to get past that after our “Shitty first draft.” Throughout the semester I revised multiple essays written by Lily Brouck. As I took the role of local revision, I was able to take apart Brouck’s essay and interpret it in my own way of thinking. A second set of eyes helps the writer see their ideas laid out by another person. Often times these technological programs do not pick up all of the grammar and punctuation errors, which is why it is important to get feedback from another peer. We often have the tendency to miss small details, even when rereading our own work. It is common to miss grammar and punctuation because it is not what many people focus on. The focus of our work mainly contributes to the context itself. Many of Brouck’s ideas were present but just had to be made clearer. In paper two of Brouck’s essay about American Society Industries, her thesis states, “Through these texts comes a reality of American society, and culture that may shock some of the readers.” This statement is very broad which can be explained further in the essay, but leaves readers hanging and question what they’re being tied into. Brouck has the potential to go more into thought and recreate a better thesis that is more appealing. This will enforce the topic of this essay and engage readers into the text. In the second line of Brouck’s essay referring to American Society Industries, she introduces, “The society in America diminishes anything that may seem to hard to handle.” I suggested that she added an example of that in order to finish off what she initially stated. It would add more flow to the sentence and progress towards the rest of the introduction. While I was reading over Brouck’s paper I noticed that one of her sentences on page 3: paragraph 1, restated Mitford’s ideas. She regretted to quote and cite where her information was coming from. This could have been considered plagiarism without her having any knowledge of it. It is very easy to get caught up in plagiarism because it happens when we least expect it. We could just be restating ideas, but because it is not something we developed on our own, there could be consequences for not citing the source. Over all Brouck was able to incorporate the authors of both The Story of Service and The Meal: Fast Food into her text. After using in-text quotes, she built off that by adding in her own ideas that flourished into even bigger ideas.

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